It has only taken me 16 years!

Hi everybody. This is one of those blogs where you may feel like you've been given TMI. If you are generally uncomfortable reading about the intimacies of others, please stop reading. THe rest who devour the stuff...read on!

I don't know why it has taken me only 16 years to have this epiphany! I was to busy being in the moment to observe it I guess. I know this is sounding greater than the reality of it, but to me, it has given me great insight.

So, the other day, Andy and I were bickering about some mundane detail over which we disagreed. We all have these right! While I think Andy and I have been tamed by time, we still engage in this bantering back and forth. I have already known that this type of communication does not mean the same thing to Andy that it does to me. I take it more lightly than does my significant other and know that it doesn't speak of impending doom.

The thing that you must know about Andy and me to get my epiphany is that Andy does not like to be directly questioned about things and I am a bottom line kind of girl! I want the bottom line; I don't want the details (to me the devil is in the details), just tell me what I need to know. (I think my impatience gets me everytime). So, I was trying to get information from Andy on the topic of which we were disagreeing. And then the next thing I knew, our line of communication changed and we were fighting over the line of questioning. And then it hit me! Seriously, I don't know why this didn't hit me before now, but the conflict became as much about the way we were communicating as what created the conflict in the first place! I can't tell you how many times our conversations became focused on how I said what and why did I say it that way and so on. It became as much about the way we communicated as the actual thing we were fighting over. With my wanting a "bottom line" I don't want to hear the details, but with Andy not wanting to be directly questioned--he doesn't like being tied down to a "bottom line;" he likes to leave things open to the possibilities.

What my epiphany is is that we didn't get our problem worked out because our way of communicating often created its own conflict which interfered with our solving the problem. It created an extra layer. I hope that recognizing that we communicate differently during our "talks" will help us keep our focus on the problem rather than our communication. Am I being naive to think that knowing this will alter our habits? I truly hope so, not that I'm being naive, but that it will help us focus.

But that raises another point I also recently recognized. Andy and I express love differently. I feel loved when I get compliments and he feels love when his house is clean. Oops. That explains why he cleans so darn much and it explains why I have given him compliments every day of our married lives!! Let's hope the stars align so we don't always feel like star crossed lovers!! And yet, I love him more today than I could have ever imagined 16 years ago!

It will happen again tomorrow...and the day after... and...

Melting Dad's heart every morning. Watching Noah and Brenna walk to school is like ...darn.. I can't think of anything that isn't trite. So, it's like...watching the sun rise.

Brenna gets a little Irish

by participating in a St. Patrick's Day Parade with Brownies!!




Do you notice anything different in this picture about Brenna?


Ans. She is not longer wearing her green scarf; one of her friends confiscated it and wore it the rest of the time!!

Tobin gets b-r-a-c-e-s

BEFORE


AFTER

My Dad Visits

My dad came for a visit with my family last weekend. We had a great time and really enjoyed visiting with him. My brother and sister also came to visit as well. I can only hope my dad and Marie weren't overwhelmed by all of the mayhem that 10 grandchildren can bring to any home.

It was a really good visit. The conversation was easy and there were plenty of laughs to go around. I have to admit that it was a pretty great weekend. I feel like it really is the beginning of a better relationship with my dad. I wasn't quite prepared for his visit because I thought he was coming a week later, so it was nice that things worked out so well. They didn't want to displace my boys so they slept downstairs and said it was fine.

Mexico

Mexico was a blast!! I had planned from the beginning for us to see the Mayan ruins in Mexico. I was more excited after I learned that Tobin would be studying the Mayan ruins in the spring in his social studies class. We landed in Cozumel and had to take a ferry over to the mainland and then take a 1 1/2 hour ride to the ruins. I really liked the bus ride as I was able to look outside and see some of its personality through the stores, houses and roads that I saw. We stopped about half way there for a rest break at a little store. There were lots of crafts and jewelry to look at and buy. It reminded me of my last trip to Mexico when I was 19 years old. Boy, has time flown by! The children and Andy got a Mexican ice cream treat and I bought some bells to hang on the wall.

When we got to the ruins, it was pretty hot. Andy and the children hopped on the bust to the ruins and I began the 1/2 mile walk to the ruins. We had a wonderful tour guide who gave us a great introduction to the ruins. The ruins were at Tulum, the only ruins on the Caribbean coast. The Mayan buildings were set atop a cliff with the most beautiful beach below. There were lizards all over the Mayan grounds. We realized they are like our squirrels. Brenna was really enthralled with them and I'm sure they are what she will remember from the ruins. Let's see, what do I remember about the ruin presentation:

1. Our word salary came from the sea salt they traded with.
2. They also used the coco bean (chocolate) to trade with. See, every civilizaton has known the value of chocolate!
3. They had 4 colors they used on the walls to make pictures, blue, red, black and white.
4. They had a myth about a God which they depicted as entering the temple upside down.
5. Our tour guide, talking about the origins of the Mayan tribes, stated that one of the theories is that they are a broken off branch of the tribes of Israel. Very interesting....

It was a really fun tour and we were given time afterwards to walk around. We really didn't have enough time. It didn't help that at one point we couldn't find Brenna. We had been walking around when we realized she wasn't with us. We had discovered a trail of paths that led in different directions. We were afraid she had followed an iguana away from us. Sadly, we found her sitting where we had last been as a family (about 15 minutes after we started looking for her) because she hadn't moved from there. She figured that she ought to stay put, that we would come looking for her there. It had been out of the range of our voices, so she didn't hear us calling for her. I was panicked, feeling in my heart like I couldn't breathe, I couldn't imagine losing my blond little girl in a place we didn't call home!! She was a little sad when we found her, but fine. We were able to once again see the beauty of the place. And then we had to leave! The pictures don't do it justice, but here they are.
















After seeing the ruins, we were dropped off in downtown Cozumel with about an hour and a half before the boat left. So,we walked around the open air "mercado" and enjoyed being outside.

Grand Caymen

First of all, let me apologize for the delay in blogging. I do have a lot to catch up on.

Grand Caymen was one of our favorite places on the cruise. Through the cruise ship, we set up a dolphin excursion. I knew this was going to be one of our favorite activities. And it was. We took a 15 minute ride to Dolphin Discovery where we were about to encounter a dolphin. This was going to be something we all experienced for the first time together. I love when I have an experience with my children where we are all experiencing it for the first time. I think it reminds me to be young at heart. I love watching their reaction, their excitement; it somehow makes me more excited about the event. Their reactions are so unfettered by social conventions, expectations, or others; it is so organic. They simply feel and it comes out. Even Tobin was in awe as we walked into the pool area and we saw the different dolphins. Noah was so excited, doing small jumps, and Brenna just kept shouting "look, a dolphin!"

Finally, we were able to go into the pool with our dolphin, Kopi. He was from Mexico and was about 7/8 years old. We got to pet him, (he felt like a wet mushroom), clap hands with him, kiss him, swim with him pulling us, and we got to be pushed from behind by him as we held onto a boogie board. Each time was so fun, and exciting. Kopi really just seemed like he was smiling all the time! The best way to describe it is to show you the video and pictures they took of us (which I'm hoping Andy will help me with soon). Yes, I spent a bit of money on the pictures and video, but as I told Brenna, "I chose to spend my money on pictures, rather than at the arcade or the spa. This is worth it to me!"









After the dolphin discovery, Brenna and I separated from the boys. Brenna and I went to the turtle cove and saw amazing turtles, ranging in size from those that fit into the palms of Brenna's hands to ones that she could have ridden on the backs of. It was really a fun place to go.

Turtle Cove





Andy was able to arrange a snuba diving trip for the boys. SNuba is a great introduction to scuba diving as it gives you the feel of it with the breathing mask and being below the water about 20-30 feet, but the difference is that the oxygen is floating on a raft on top of the water so it isn't compressed. So, you are attached to the tank with a thin tube.
Andy was able to arrange for a private tour for just the three of them. How lucky! Apparently they had a lot of luck in what they saw as well. Their private guide told them that this was the single best tour she had been on in terms of what they saw. Noah and Tobin were able to see a lobster, trout, flounder, turtle and barracuda as well as other fish and coral. Tobin and Noah did a great job and really "know" they want to get scuba certified now! What a great experience for them!