Go Brenna! You are a fierce competitor and a strong player. I am so proud of you.
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
Brenna is the Mia Hamm
Go Brenna! You are a fierce competitor and a strong player. I am so proud of you.
Monday, October 25, 2010
Tipping the Balance Tonight
Ruben Studdard is "Shouting to the Lord" right now on my ipod and all I can think is that I want to rail at the devil for taking this weekend away from me. I am confused, sorrowful, and horribly, terribly wishing for a redo of this weekend. This blog has become a way for me to chronicle our lives, the five of us. My question is how much to make public and what do I keep private, locked in my heart, where the details of an event will fade, but certainly not my guilt or sadness over the event. (Let's face it, the only things I would want to keep private are those moments that don't put us in a great light, where we make mistakes). As a mom, I feel so much love for my children, but also so much overriding guilt. Guilt that I shouldn't have yelled, guilt that I should have reacted differently, guilt that I am not good enough for them, guilt that I go on yelling longer than I should at them, guilt that I am not handling them the right way, and just guilt, guilt, guilt. This is one of those moments where the guilt just seems so overwhelming. I wanted to go to bed now, but my stomach is churning over the events of my weekend.
I have one child who is so much more a challenge to me. I don't know if it is because I see the things I don't like about myself in him/her or if I know he/she is making life so much harder than it needs to be. My mother used to say I did that so I think this poor child has inherited some of this from me. Andy has also said that this child has inherited some of the traits from the Pagleys that make life harder too! Seems like this poor child has it stacked up against him/her before it even began for them. My mother recently told me that when a child is harder to love that is when they need it the most. I agree with her. And that is where I fail.
When one of my children is hard, they are hard for me (and Andy), not the neighbors, teachers or friends. They are hard for us. And every time I tell myself when they are being hard, I will show them love. And then I don't. I yell, I repeat the shortcomings again and again, I react poorly. Guilt, guilt, guilt....
So, after a weekend of yelling at this child for not following directions, for this or that, our night ended up with a conversation that went sorta like this.
Me or Andy: Child, you have watched too much tv today. you need to turn it off. (This child has just come upstairs after having been made mad by another interaction with one of our other children). You might think, why couldn't I have just let them watch television; it wouldn't have hurt. Maybe, but he/she had watched tv all day while at home. It was a good thing we went to church today and had a break. He/she needed a break from that, so I thought I was doing the right thing.
Child: What am I suppposed to do? Be bored? (this is very sarcastically said)
Me or Andy: You could read, build with blocks, play boardgames, ride your bike, go to your friend's house, etc. etc. etc.
Child: You act like I've never done that before! (with disdain and condescension)
Me or Andy: Why do you argue everything? You just asked what you were supposed to do and we told you. How do you take that to mean that you have never done those things before? Why do you make this sooo big and extreme and an argument every time we say something to you?
Child: So, now you think I'm _____________.
You can put your own word in there, but I just get so tired of the escalation, conflict, and refusal to take responsibility. So, we sent this child off to bed crying.
The only redeeming thing in this conversation (I feel) was the very end when I asked this young (they are all still young to me) child of ours if he/she had seen any acts of love on our part today. As I asked this I wondered if those acts outweighed us yelling at him/her or if they would remember only the yelling? When this child said no we had done NO acts of love today (of course); I told him/her to go upstairs, cry if they must, and think back through the day because I could remember at least two acts of love I had done (not to mention the cleaning, cooking, folding, arranging I had done also for ALL of my children) and not to mention how many Daddy had done. Think back and remember. I was hoping that even though he/she had felt their day had been full of yelling (they don't think we should have yelled at him/her 5 times in one day) that they would also see that we had given them love.
And now I can't go to sleep.
I have one child who is so much more a challenge to me. I don't know if it is because I see the things I don't like about myself in him/her or if I know he/she is making life so much harder than it needs to be. My mother used to say I did that so I think this poor child has inherited some of this from me. Andy has also said that this child has inherited some of the traits from the Pagleys that make life harder too! Seems like this poor child has it stacked up against him/her before it even began for them. My mother recently told me that when a child is harder to love that is when they need it the most. I agree with her. And that is where I fail.
When one of my children is hard, they are hard for me (and Andy), not the neighbors, teachers or friends. They are hard for us. And every time I tell myself when they are being hard, I will show them love. And then I don't. I yell, I repeat the shortcomings again and again, I react poorly. Guilt, guilt, guilt....
So, after a weekend of yelling at this child for not following directions, for this or that, our night ended up with a conversation that went sorta like this.
Me or Andy: Child, you have watched too much tv today. you need to turn it off. (This child has just come upstairs after having been made mad by another interaction with one of our other children). You might think, why couldn't I have just let them watch television; it wouldn't have hurt. Maybe, but he/she had watched tv all day while at home. It was a good thing we went to church today and had a break. He/she needed a break from that, so I thought I was doing the right thing.
Child: What am I suppposed to do? Be bored? (this is very sarcastically said)
Me or Andy: You could read, build with blocks, play boardgames, ride your bike, go to your friend's house, etc. etc. etc.
Child: You act like I've never done that before! (with disdain and condescension)
Me or Andy: Why do you argue everything? You just asked what you were supposed to do and we told you. How do you take that to mean that you have never done those things before? Why do you make this sooo big and extreme and an argument every time we say something to you?
Child: So, now you think I'm _____________.
You can put your own word in there, but I just get so tired of the escalation, conflict, and refusal to take responsibility. So, we sent this child off to bed crying.
The only redeeming thing in this conversation (I feel) was the very end when I asked this young (they are all still young to me) child of ours if he/she had seen any acts of love on our part today. As I asked this I wondered if those acts outweighed us yelling at him/her or if they would remember only the yelling? When this child said no we had done NO acts of love today (of course); I told him/her to go upstairs, cry if they must, and think back through the day because I could remember at least two acts of love I had done (not to mention the cleaning, cooking, folding, arranging I had done also for ALL of my children) and not to mention how many Daddy had done. Think back and remember. I was hoping that even though he/she had felt their day had been full of yelling (they don't think we should have yelled at him/her 5 times in one day) that they would also see that we had given them love.
And now I can't go to sleep.
Friday, October 22, 2010
Thursday, October 21, 2010
Homecoming Part II
Tobin is in the following pictures as are a lot of his friends.
This was taken at the afterparty around the fireplace. It was a little chilly, but the group braved it. I think of all of the places for them to hang at Colin's house, it was the dock that held the most appeal for them. Although, it was the coldest too. Everyone was so well behaved and such a delight! They didn't eat nearly what we thought they would, until the end of the party and then the boys ate. The chocolate fountain was by far the coolest thing there. It ended at 1:00 and then we headed back to our house with 14 boys who stayed up until 6:00 in the morning!
40 +1=Andy's Birthday
Poor Andy's birthday was soooo low-key this year. It was kind of a broken up celebration. We had friends over on Saturday for the first time since we moved and had a great time. But that wasn't our celebration. And then on Sunday, we had half (Christy) of one of our favorite couples over for dinner with her daughters, Faith and Josie, while Paul her husband was out of town. But that wasn't our celebration. On Monday, the day before Andy's birthday, we had our usual practices--Brenna's soccer from 5:30-7:00, Noah's football from 6:00-8:00 and then Tobin's pick up around 6:30. And in between, we had a quick left-over dinner of Macaroni Rosa with cookie pie and ice cream for dessert...and that....that was Andy's birthday celebration.
We gave him a glimpse of his wrapped presents. He really didn't think twice of them. The only thing that he thought was, "Shoot, it's not an Ipad." He didn't share this with us, but that was what he thought. Andy has been wanting an Ipad for a long time, since they came out. But I didn't really see the point. I still don't really. Everybody talks about how cool they are and what they can do, but it seems like everything the itouch can do, only in a bigger screen. But it was what Andy wanted...
We collected in the family room for Andy to open his presents. There were two wrapped presents and two cards. He opened the card from Bre and me first. On the front of his card we wrote Andy + Daddy = Anddy! He laughed and opened the card. It talked about our joy at showing him how old he was. Then he needed to open up the bigger present first. As he opened it up, he was thinking, "I'm going to have to pretend to be excited about whatever this is." And then he was truly excited as he realized it was an Ipad! What my baby wants, my baby gets....sometimes. The second present was a case for it. And then it was time for the card from Tobin and Noah, where Noah's present was hidden. It was an itunes gift card which Andy very much appreciated! The card talked about how the boys were going to give him two presents, or three or four...and showed a monkey sitting on a toilet! This made Andy laugh and was especially funny to him!
Tuesday was his actual birthday! Thank goodness for Facebook and mom and dad! Facebook gave him so many birthday wishes from friends and he spoke to his mom and dad, and my mom! I wished him happy birthday as well, but unfortunately had to spend his birthday night getting ready for a procedure the next day, the likes of which I won't go into, but suffice it to say I had to stay near my bedroom suite. Andy again had double dad duty and ran the kids around to gymnastics, basketball, and football practices.
Happy Birthday babe!! Next year will be better!
We gave him a glimpse of his wrapped presents. He really didn't think twice of them. The only thing that he thought was, "Shoot, it's not an Ipad." He didn't share this with us, but that was what he thought. Andy has been wanting an Ipad for a long time, since they came out. But I didn't really see the point. I still don't really. Everybody talks about how cool they are and what they can do, but it seems like everything the itouch can do, only in a bigger screen. But it was what Andy wanted...
We collected in the family room for Andy to open his presents. There were two wrapped presents and two cards. He opened the card from Bre and me first. On the front of his card we wrote Andy + Daddy = Anddy! He laughed and opened the card. It talked about our joy at showing him how old he was. Then he needed to open up the bigger present first. As he opened it up, he was thinking, "I'm going to have to pretend to be excited about whatever this is." And then he was truly excited as he realized it was an Ipad! What my baby wants, my baby gets....sometimes. The second present was a case for it. And then it was time for the card from Tobin and Noah, where Noah's present was hidden. It was an itunes gift card which Andy very much appreciated! The card talked about how the boys were going to give him two presents, or three or four...and showed a monkey sitting on a toilet! This made Andy laugh and was especially funny to him!
Tuesday was his actual birthday! Thank goodness for Facebook and mom and dad! Facebook gave him so many birthday wishes from friends and he spoke to his mom and dad, and my mom! I wished him happy birthday as well, but unfortunately had to spend his birthday night getting ready for a procedure the next day, the likes of which I won't go into, but suffice it to say I had to stay near my bedroom suite. Andy again had double dad duty and ran the kids around to gymnastics, basketball, and football practices.
Happy Birthday babe!! Next year will be better!
Light the Night Walk
I learned something about my friend Katie that night! In this we are not the same! Katie is freakishly serious about being early or at the latest, on time to an event. I, on the other hand, am freakishly serious about arriving fashionably late to an event, or at the earliest, about 15 minutes after it's begun. It's not because I'm trying to, but because I run from one place to the next and sometimes, the events overlap. Luckily, my friend was understanding and we were off to "light the night" the right way with our daughters, Bre and Mackie! It was so much fun driving and talking, and laughing and sharing as we drove to our night of good friends and good deeds by walking two miles to fight blood cancers with our other friends!
Some of you might remember that Bre's friend, Faith had cancer five years ago at the age of 3 1/2. She will be 5 years cancer free this February, so this was an especially triumphant walk. At 5 years her chance of a relapse drops to 1%. Faith's mom is an incredibly inspiring person and has been the #1 non-commercial fundraiser for the past few years. Her team name is "Leap of Faith" and I am so grateful to be a part of it.
Red, white and gold were the colors of the night! Lit balloons seemed to float in the air just above our heads, music filled the air, the smell of food tantalized our senses, and friends embraced in a united purpose! We arrived at the tent excited to see our friends. We found out that the girls were all around playing games, getting their faces painted, making buttons and picking up their t-shirts for the night. We joined in the merriment making. The pulse of the night was pretty exciting. And then the walk began-the two mile walk that said, "In your face blood cancers! We will win this." Red balloons were for participants, white for survivors, and gold for remembrances. As we started walking, I couldn't help but think about my Uncle Klaus who lost his battle with lymphoma several years ago. He was truly the most gentle soul I have ever known. His love of all things good came to my mind--banana pancakes, walks in nature, a good book, his nickname "Lovie" for his wife, and white Christmas lights,--I missed him and walked for him. Brenna ran with her friends through the walk. She walked with Mackie and a newer friend Briana and her twin sister Arielle. I started walking with Katie, but in the mass of walkers ended up walking with Briana's mom, Shari. It was fun getting to know her a little bit better.
I loved seeing the balloons fill the air and friends around me. The weather was absolutely beautiful. It was a great night to "Light the Night".
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