the village idiot

Hello all. I hope you had a great and fabulous weekend. I sit here having had a great cry on the phone with my sister and I feel much better about my long and partly self-induced miserable weekend which actually began on Thursday. (I'm only sorry I subjected my family to my misery). Let me begin with the highlight so that if you want to escape the misery (trust me, I would) you don't have to read on after the next paragraph.
The highlight of my week was the beginning of soccer season!! We spent Saturday going to games for Tobin, Noah and Brenna. At Tobin's game, a long established team, I have many of my friends there, whose sons are also Tobin's best friends. I love talking and sharing with girl friends. I was able to talk about everything from politics and the 08 election, school drama, and family pets to summer fashion. This week we all agreed that it does take a village to raise our children. This comment was precipitated from Friday night's events where one of Tobin's friends (on the soccer team) declined a ride home from us after the middle school basketball tournament. I wanted to re-enforce the idea that I am always happy to help out with Tobin's friends, who are also the sons of my friends. The idea was reiterated all around that we are always there as a back up for each other, to help if needed. It is nice to know that there is indeed a village helping me to raise my children. I don't know if I could do it without them. Carpools, meeting at Starbucks to chat, play dates, emails, blogging, dinners together, girl's night out, scrapbooking, PTA events, volunteering, school events, and commiserating are all words I would use to explain why we are in each other's lives; however, I would say we are bonded because we genuinely care about each other's children and would act on each other's behalf instantly. I'm grateful for my village....
except when I have to play the idiot. I had a conflict with a colleague on Thursday. I work at a high school where there are two media specialists. We are equals and share the responsibility for the success of our program, but I don't always feel the weight is distrubuted equally (ok, ever). I have heard several teachers comment to this same effect so I mostly take gratification in the fact, that IT is known and never confront my colleague. Finally, I reached a breaking point (after 5 years) on Thursday and I confronted her. Let's just say, she refused to acknowledge any responsibility for her part. I have to say, I know this about her and that is part of why I haven't confronted her before. What I didn't realize was how emotionally vested I was in this issue. My voice was shaking and loud. I couldn't quiet it down, no matter how much I wanted to. So, it really ended at an impasse because she wasn't willing to acknowledge any responsibility. On Friday, I was treated to the cold shoulder!! Nice, and.... professional.
So, then our weekend. I am going to make a long, miserable story really short and say that I was pretty reactive, rather than proactive, this weekend. I did little to bring calm to my family. I didn't handle things well.... with my kids or my husband. And then...there was this lady at Dick's Sporting Goods. Again, suffice it to say that she brought out all of my frustrations as she butted in line in front of us. Instead of accepting it, I reacted to it and I let her have it. She didn't like it and reacted back. So, it escalated. Oh well. The only problem is that I end up beating myself up for days afterwards (I still am).
What do you do when people don't accept responsibility for their actions? How do you let it not make the worst of you? How do you still react your best when people around you seem to be at their worst? If you have any suggestions, I would love to hear them? What I would really like to know are your thoughts on this: Is your best just not saying anything so there is only the conflict that is going on inside you, or can you say/do something that would still be "your best" but let the person know your feelings about the situation?
The thing is with family and friends, there is a vested interest to do the "right" thing, but it isn't always there with colleagues or strangers that happen to cross your path. So, what do you do then? I accept responsibility for having made the situation worse at Dick's, but with my colleague I feel like the dialogue needs to happen for even the possibility of any change. I honestly don't think that any way is a good way to discuss with her because she refuses to see the situation as it is. As for me, I know there are two sides to every story and the truth that resides somewhere in the middle.
Pray that I have a better week, or my next blog may be much like Masters' Spoon River Anthology (told from the grave).